“There comes a time in life when you have to stand up and SHOUT: This is me, damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love. I am a whole complex package. Take me, or leave me…..Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold.”
~ Stacy Charter
Over the last couple of weeks, I have had some pretty unpleasant hate email. To say it upset me would be an understatement. The truth is—I felt defeated. Devalued. And utterly disrespected.
My message is personal. Very personal.
So when someone slams me for the way I look and essentially claims that I have no right to talk about body image when I could be a model (her words, not mine); that really upsets me.
Initially, I wanted to stand up and shout. Actually I wanted to scream. To defend myself. To give her a piece of my mind but that’s not what I’m about. I want to support women, inspire them, lift them up, not fight with them or against them.
Especially since it was clear that she didn’t understand that I’m not encouraging women to be, or look like, me or any other pre-conceived idea of physical beauty.
Far from it, I’m encouraging women to learn to love and accept themselves exactly as they are. It’s not about the external appearance but rather the internal emotions, thoughts and self-image.
Women of all shapes and sizes suffer from body image issues. “Beautiful, pretty, cute,” women suffer from body image issues!
Regardless of the shape of my body or the features on my face, I am woman who knows what it feels like to hate her body. To loath it to the point that I waged an all-out war on it.
So, yes I have the right to talk about body image because at one point in my life, mine was as poor as it could get. Just looking in the mirror made me want to throw up. And since I hate throwing up and had an issue sticking my finger down my throat, I did, at the time the next best thing, I stopped eating, and over-exercised until I started to wither away.
Until I was so numb that the voices inside my head stopped, not because they weren’t there anymore, but because I barely had enough brain function, due to not enough sustenance, to think straight.
Insert Eating Disorder and a plethora of other self-esteem issues.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, when I would look into a mirror all I saw was a young woman who was severely flawed. I was ashamed. Horrified and full of anger. I had giant lips, big pores, a large nose, small breasts, wide hips, flabby inner thighs, and cellulite on the back of my ass that I thought went for miles.
And although others would try to convince me it was all in my head, those flaws, to me, were real.
When I heard someone refer to me as “beautiful” or “pretty,” I thought they were nuts. That they
needed to get their eyes checked and clearly “they” were the ones who had the problem, not me.
And even after seeking therapy for my ED, I still suffered from body image issues. Except now, rather than starving myself or binging on exercise, I allowed that negative voice, what I call my inner critical bitch, to take over my life.
She constantly told me I wasn’t “good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.” That I wasn’t “loveable” and if I found love that he would cheat on me or worse yet leave me and that I would always be “too much” for someone to handle.
These thoughts were ingrained in my being.
And they literally determined my day. Those thoughts would directly affect my mood, how I showed up in the world, and how I communicated with everyone in my life, especially those I loved.
God help my husband, then my boyfriend, when I was having a shitty “body” day.
I turned into a raving bitch who found fault with everything going on in my life and not because it was actually terrible but because I felt so damn ugly and honestly I needed someone or something to blame.
Rather than focusing on this great life I had, I couldn’t get past my flabby thighs, and the fat on my ass.
Do you know what that kind of body hatred can do to your self-esteem?
It kills you.
Literally blows it up and leaves you with these overwhelming insecurities that seem impossible to overcome and you feel like they control your every move. Is that something you want for yourself?
And don’t even let me get started on how this affects your intimate relationships.
In 3 words…It. Destroys. It.
I understand you.
I get not being able to be present and to not be able get to get out of my head long enough to realize I not only had a lot to offer the world but I had the right to “feel beautiful.”
So yes, I may have a “pretty” face and I may have a nice, fit looking body but that doesn’t mean I am immune to body insecurities.
And just for the record, I am so much more than just a “pretty” face.
I have feelings too. I feel pain the same way you do. I have those same negative thoughts running
rampant in my head. Just like you, I put my pants on one leg at a time.
The truth is, it took me nearly two decades to finally like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and I am damn proud of my journey. It just didn’t happen. I worked my ass off to change the way I saw myself. I learned how to embrace my flaws and I taught myself how to be more loving toward my body.
So, I may have been a little over zealous using my own personal photos to accompany my message but why shouldn’t I? I am not displaying them to intimidate anyone.
Quite the contrary, I want to show women what is possible. I have come full circle. I am proud of my body. I love it (most days) and I feel so much passion around this, that I wanted to share that piece of me with all of you and the world.
You should stop and celebrate you too. Whatever god intended you to have, learn to appreciate those qualities, both inside and out. Don’t apologize for them. They are your gifts. Treat them with care. Use them wisely and most importantly love the hell out of them.
So for those of you who have told me to give up, to pack it in and go home because a good-looking woman couldn’t possibly have body image issues, or know anything about them, I say get used to seeing me because I am not going anywhere.
I am calling your bluff and I am here to stay because honestly, it’s people like you who need me the most.
Have you ever stopped to think that YOU are beautiful too?
That you are no different than any other woman out there? That your insecurities are the same?
Do you want to know why we have such a body image epidemic around us?
It’s not because of the media, it’s because of us. WOMEN are causing this. We hate on each other
because she has a better body or a prettier face, more money, a nicer home or a happier relationship.
We feel threatened by her because she has MORE of what we want.
WTF?
When did we start drawing lines? When did we start taking sides? Why did we start fighting each other?
We have an amazing gift we could share with each other. We have the ability to support, to nurture, to celebrate each other. Why not start doing that?
So let me reiterate one thing and be very clear on this…I am not going to stop sharing my message with the world.
You don’t have to listen to me.
But you will not stop me until I have the pleasure of knowing that every woman I have the honor of working with or meeting is able to look at herself in the mirror and smile back at what she sees.
Talk to me. I want to hear what you are thinking. What you are feeling? So please leave me a comment and let’s fix this epidemic together.
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Oh my gosh Kimberly. That was awful of that person to criticize you that way. Do they think that only over-weight people have body issues???
Bravo for standing up and creating such a wonderful resource for women of all body sizes, shapes and hang-ups to learn to love themselves for who they are and how God created them.
{{{hugs}}}
Thanks Jenn. I have to be honest with you, I was a bit nervous to post this but it is what I stand for. It is who I am and I will never apologize for that. xoxo
Kimberly- this is incredibly beautiful and heart felt, I was sitting her nodding my head in agreement the entire time. THANK YOU for being this vulnerable and this open you just outted so many feels us women struggle with every single day. It was just therapeutic to read.
You are right, that women that emailed you needs your help more than anyone. We should all send her some loving thoughts… and I am sorry you had to be the punching bag to her insecurities.
Never stop your message is so powerful and needs to be heard, like it or not
xo
Thank you Nichole. Big virtual hugs to you!
I have no intention of stopping, that is for sure. If anything, it just lit the fire under my ass even stronger! WOMEN have to unite. And they most certainly have to let down those walls of insecurity to find any semblance of happiness.
If I need to be someone’s punching bag, so be it. It stung but I can take it!
xo
Oh Kimberly! What a mean person to write something like that! However, I love what you wrote “I’m encouraging women to learn to love and accept themselves exactly as they are. It’s not about the external appearance but rather the internal emotions, thoughts and self-image.” I think if we all could understand that folks that are healers, like yourself, always come from a place of hurt, hence why they have the gift to heal with so much love, courage and bravery. Thank YOU so much for this and I am grateful you stood up for yourself. YES, lets celebrate ourselves! Bravo.
Hi Nasrine. Thank you for stopping by and lending your support.
Regardless of what was said, I am not angry. I was hurt, sure, but what I realized is those people who spout off hurtful things just don’t understand.
With that said, I felt it was absolutely essential that I stood up and said something. I just want women to be happy with their bodies. ALL WOMEN, regardless of their looks.
Sending love to you.
You just gave me chill bumps about 3 or 4 different times when reading this because I CAN vouch that just because a person has a pretty face or “trim” body, doesn’t mean they don’t criticize themselves or find flaws. Others may think “they’ve got it ALL because of their size or looks”, and it just isn’t true. We all have our demons and insecurities – regardless of the package we come in.
I KNOW what you do is so much more than body image. To me, as far as self-image goes, you stand for self-acceptance, love, honor, and respect, but most of all, prevention & healing…because you don’t want another living soul to experience the self-inflicted-unrealistic depth of pain that you did – especially, especially because you understand that the suffering and thoughts are REAL & TRUTH to those experiencing it. Helping them is your gift to the world, plus SO MUCH MORE. You are just hitting the tip of the iceberg with your work.
Do not stop what you are doing! The women who most want to change their lives, across the life board, – relationships with themselves, partners, family, friends, colleagues; not to mention changing their mental/physical health, environments, money situations, and more… are going to find an easier, healthier, & faster way to succeed through you.
Keep on keepin’ on, sister!
Melody. Thank you for chiming in. I am so happy to hear from you. And you are absolutely right…my message is so much deeper than just body image. I want women to SOAR! To never suffer and if I can help them do that or I can make it somehow easier for them to find their way, than I have served my purpose!
Sending lots of love to you. xo
Kimberly, oh, what a beautifully REAL post. I totally can relate to you…I struggled with an ED for most of my life and until about 5 years ago. It took a lot of time and work to realize that I’m good enough. I’m perfect just the way I am. I can take it so personally when a “hater” pops up, but I’ve learned to wish them well and continue on my path to impacting the world. Kimberly, thank you for sharing and being so open about all this…the Universe is rooting for you, as all of us who love you.
Thank you Lisa for sharing with me your own struggle. As soon as I met you, I knew we were “kindred spirits.” And yes, you are absolutely right. The “haters” are there to keep us grounded and to verify that we must keep our own messages strong and never give up. Your support is appreciated and your love is felt. xo
The woman is simply not very aware herself. If you don’t really know and accept yourself, you can’t truly empathize with other human beings.
Seriously, if we are on the planet and paying attention for any length of time, we will know that EVERYONE has had their issues, no matter what they look like to us. If she had simply read your bio on your website she would have known your story.
Maybe someday she’ll understand this. Rock on!
You know what I love about you Leanne? Your candid honesty. I just love it. You just say it like it is! And you are right, we all have issues, regardless of how big or small they are, WE ALL SOME!!! I hope someday she will understand. In fact, my wish is that every woman who thinks like her will finally understand. Sending lots of love your way. xo
Wow Kimberly – what a powerful, heartfelt post – thank you!
Love of the WHOLE self has NOTHING to do with one’s physical attributes. Just because someone was born with what society considers pleasing looks doesn’t mean they love themselves. We all know gorgeous people who are so insecure – and folks who are not considered physically attractive who are so confident and loving and secure, you just want to be with them all the time.
This is not about you – it’s about the folks who have a need to lash out at you. I’m so sorry they are in such a dark place.
You are right – women do need to unite. It’s going to take time – we’ve only had the right to vote and the freedom to own assets for a short period of time. For centuries we competed with each other for our position by the fire – it will take more nurturing and learning to reach a point where we are a loving, trusting sisterhood. As Ms. Representation showed us – the media is not helping this united front!!
Sending you love and blessings and deep appreciation for speaking your truth,
Ande
Thanks Ande! I completely understand that her anger was not at me. I was just being used as the tether for her own internal struggles. I honestly think we have all been there at some point in our lives. I most certainly have, as you read in the post above.
Women are so MUCH MORE than their physical attributes, I just want everyone to see that!
And YES, I get that uniting is going to take time but we have to be open to the idea for crying out loud! What I really find so fascinating is that a majority of the MEDIA industry is being run by women. Take note to the presidents, editors in chief of the most popular women’s magazines, they are ALL women.
Thank you Ande. You love and support this past year has been priceless. I am honored to have in my corner. xo
Wow, you GO girl! I am sooo proud of you and all that you are doing to bring such an important message to the world. We NEED you and I’m sooo glad you’re not going anywhere.
Your story is amazing and I know it will continue to be a huge inspiration for women all over the world. You’re just getting started, baby – watch out!
I’m so honored to know you and call you a friend. You know I’m here rooting for you! 
Thank you Jess! The feelings are quite mutual! LOVE love love that you are in my corner. xoxo
Kimberly, thank you SO much for posting this!! And thank you to all the amazing beautiful women who commented here. ALL of you have inspired me to live authentically and to feel proud of who I am. I was overweight for many years and when I lost weight I endured endless ridicule ( even from my own mom ) that I was arrogant and self centered because I actually LIKED my body for the first time in 20 years! I would see women at the gym who would make snide comments about me and saying things like “you have NO idea what it’s like to be this or that” not knowing my struggle for many years. Also an important point is that very shortly after all the ridicule, I started to hate the way I looked even though I was considered “pretty and physically fit” I was afraid of loving myself for fear of alienating people. Kimberly…I am SO happy that you have come to a place where you LOVE your body! I believe other women are maybe just resentful because they too want permission to love their body but don’t know where to start. Well ladies, because of this post I’m OFFICIALLY claiming my beauty ( inside and out ) and will NO longer make any more excuses for feeling damn good about myself!!!
And to all those amazing beautiful women out there, LOVE LOVE LOVE your incredible selves and celebrate your own uniqueness and gifts you have to offer the world!
Love to all,
~Ariel
Ariel! I am so damn proud of you! YOU are magnificent and it’s about time you SHINE your gorgeous light.
It’s rough when someone is so quick to judge. And it stinks. I have been on both sides of that now and no matter where you stand, it just doesn’t feel good.
Ladies. It is time to take a step back. To think before you speak. To stop before you judge or make crazy assumptions because you have no idea where that woman has been or what she has gone through.
I am so very excited for you Ariel. I am happy to support you in anyway that I can. xoxo
Hey Kimberly…
Sorry people are being rude! You know, I intuitively knew that the cover of your book would evoke some of those comments…cuz you look so hot and the people with small heads wouldn’t get it. ; ) I back up the ladies here that have expressed that ANY woman can be critical of herself. Looks don’t really mean anything and they are all perception! What someone might see in the mirror and think is ugly another person might envy. We need to all strive to see the beauty in ourselves AND others…and have compassion and insight for women that we may perceive as having it all. Rock on with your bad arse!
Beautifully said Kelly. I knew I was going to take some hits too. I was ready for them. Clearly, I didn’t realize they would sting so damn much but it just re-emphasizes and encourages me to continue to share my message. IT’S NEEDED! Desperately. Thank you for your support and as always it is great to hear from you!
Love this post, Kimberly, because it is real and you touch on a very insidious angle of the beauty battle. Women who aren’t the ideal are told they aren’t good enough and women who are the ideal are told to shut up b/c that’s enough, they shouldn’t want anything more or even bother to feel good inside for who they are b/c “you’re so lucky” you are the ideal. I think you touched on a point that really resonates b/c it polarizes women. I don’t know a single woman, beautiful, not beautiful, ideal, not ideal who is not struggling with body image in some way.
I know as a naturally thin person, my entire life people discounted my issues with my body image b/c I was “skinny”. I was always like: thin is not the same thing as healthy. But it didn’t matter if I was healthy. As long as the appearance achieved no one cared whether I was putting anything healthy inside of me. I’m just learning how to do that now, at the age of 38, for the first time.
So, I just applaud you for initiating a dialogue on a side of this pervasive issue that is normally left unaddressed. We get so self-centered in our suffering. Like OUR pain is the only pain of merit in the world. Rather than having compassion for one another and realizing it’s the FEELING behind the issue that matter, and that we have in common, it’s not about how ANY of us look.
Bravo to you for making health a priority in your life. I truly believe that was an essential piece throughout my journey.
And THANK YOU Cris for helping me realize that this side needed to be shared. Enough with focusing on how we each look…let’s look past our physical appearances, show some understanding and empathy toward our fellow woman and work on this as a collective force to be reckoned with.
xo
I love this post, Kimberly.
I grew up hearing, “Oh, she’s such a pretty little girl…” but I never felt pretty when I was growing up.
My father was extremely emotionally abusive. No matter how hard I tried as a kid to do whatever I could to ensure I pleased him, it was never enough. I was never good enough.
When you carry deep pain and shame inside, there are no complimentary words that will convince you that you are pretty when you are just certain that you are ugly, unlovable, unworthy.
And it doesn’t even have to be that kind of abuse that creates those thoughts and feelings. It can be something as simple as having been teased as a child about your nose (I can still hear the other kids teasing me in a sing-song voice about my “ski-slope” nose ; ) or a single comment by someone you cared about that for some unknown reason you took to heart, or your own inner critical bitch comparing you to the supermodels and superstars in the Seventeen magazine you were reading and finding you oh-so lacking.
And sadly, even when we reach adulthood and a level of self-awareness that allows us to see, intellectually, that none of it is true or valid or relevant…the thoughts and feelings and behavior patterns are so ingrained that we often carry them with us long after.
It can take a lot of awareness and practice to let them go. To re-train your brain and behavior. To give yourself permission to love yourself for who you are, as you are. Years for me, but the journey was full of surprises and joy and was so worthwhile.
And I don’t know a single woman, fat or thin, drop-dead gorgeous or plain Jane, that can say she has NEVER had any body or self-image issues…because it’s not about the reality of your external appearance. It’s about those internal feelings and thoughts.
Thank you, Kimberly, for shining such a bright light on this and for sharing such a personal story so openly. We all deserve to feel beautiful. To, as you said… be able to look at ourselves standing naked in front of the mirror and simply…smile.
Thank YOU Lisa for encouraging me to put myself out there. I am so tremendously grateful for your love and support.
And you are right…these ideas and thoughts are so ingrained in us, it is as if they have been tattooed permanently on our brains. And no matter how intuitive we are or how enlightened we may feel, we all have to work on shifting our perspectives. But it can be done.
The journey can be amazing. And it all starts with taken a single solitary step. xo
Kimberly, congratulations! I had tears streaming down my face as I read this . . . tears of sadness for the very personal journey you describe (pieces of which I can relate to) and tears of joy for the consciousness and light you radiate. I love the way you have taken a very painful attack and have use it to further your own growth as well as healing for women everywhere.
We have an epidemic of self-hatred in our culture and that self-hatred gets projected all over the place into others. Although I am not religious and not prone to quoting scripture, I am reminded of what Jesus said: “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” I think when we step fully out, we run the risk of being crucified. I suspect that may be one of our deepest fears as humans (I know it’s one of mine).
The way you have approached this says so much about you and your journey and your immense desire to serve others. It may feel vulnerable and deeply painful right now, but your light is shining brightly! Stay focused on your message. Do not take it personally. Remember that people spewing hate are lashing out because their pain is so great. They are simply doing the best they can. Despite what they say, it is not about you. When you are authentic and you share your deeply personal journey with others, it threatens their ego. They lash out from ego. You are SO right when you say they are the ones who need you the most.
This is a brilliant, strong, compassionate, determined response. I am even more inspired to read your book. So incredibly honored to be on the journey with you. You go girl!!! xoxo
Oh Laurie, thank YOU! Your comments gave me goosebumps and had me dripping tears of joy as well. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support. It means the world to me that my words have resonated with you and many other women.
To say that I was nervous to put this out there is truly an understatement. But I do believe when we get down, dirty and RAW in our own emotions, great leaps can be made and extraordinary experiences can be had.
This experience was a redefining moment for me and my mission. It was a sign that I need to plow forward stronger and to keep shouting it out from the rooftops if necessary. So I guess I should probably be saying thank you to my haters, because without them, I am not sure this post would exist.
Sending you lots of love. xo
Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so vulnerable. Body image is a complicated, yet universal issue. Everyone has the right to talk about body issues no matter what you look like. If it’s affected you, speak up.
It’s something I have certainly struggled with. I only now appreciate and love my body enough to stop covering up.
Thank you for speaking up. My heart goes out to your critics.
Hi Laurie. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate YOU for sharing your own struggles. We have all been there, in one respect or another, and I feel its helpful to identify with each other. It helps us relate and it’s imperative to release it so we move forward.
I really should thank my mom and dad for giving me the ability to speak up. I earned at a very early age, to stand up for what you believe in and just because someone doesn’t approve doesn’t mean you should back down.
Honored to have you in my corner. xo
Kimberly -
Your post was like reading my own biography. I spent a decade of my life in binge & purge mode; consumed with self-hatred, shame and misery because I wasn’t happy inside or out. Having spent a great deal of time and hard work re-learning how to eat and how to love myself, I feel your pain. What us gals often see in the mirror isn’t what is actually reflected physically. Instead, the reflection we see is the state of our internal world.
As I continued reading…your authenticity, compassion and eagerness to be a shining light came through. I believe that you maintain a healthy perspective and I found myself constantly saying, “You got it beautiful”.
You will never be able to please everyone. Not everyone is going to understand your journey, your passion, or your perspective. There will be people that will not like you, and some for no good reason. However, I also believe that if you live your truth and you are able to sleep well at night knowing that you have good intentions and follow through then it just doesn’t matter what people think; good or bad.
May the encouraging words you find here lift your spirits and find you in a place of warmth, light and love.
Cheers the beautiful person you are from the inside out!
Your Gal Pal,
Jennifer Love
Thank you Jennifer! I really appreciate your love and support and for stepping up and sharing a piece of your own journey.
You are absolutely right. I will never be able to please everyone. And not everyone is going to understand my journey, my passion, or my perspective and that is okay.
As I said in the post, I just want every woman to be able to look into the mirror and smile at what she sees.
Sending lots of love your way. Excited to “meet” you! xo
I gotta say Kimberly, that I love your message and I love you to pieces. You are so clearly you in this post – it’s beautiful.
Thank you Amanda! I love YOU to pieces too! xo
LOVE THIS. You crank the volume up on that message, girlfriend.
I can so related. I have people tell me: “Oh you don’t understand what it feels like to feel ugly and fat and afraid to get in front of the camera or on stage.” “You’re beautiful. Of course you feel confident on stage/camera.
Um, I went into total lock down, shame filled hiding for 4 years in my mid twenties because of totally disfiguring acne. I know what it’s like to feel absolutely ashamed and to feel totally at war with my body. It has been a profound, life changing journey to discover deep, true, everlasting beauty. My physical body has healed, and I’ve found deep strength and resolve to be fully expressed from the core of my beauty and wisdom as a result.
It’s important we tell our whole stories, so that women can relate with us fully. That’s how we find powerful access to grow and transform.
Thank you for being this kind of woman in the world. You are bold, inspiring and absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
KC
KC. I just love you. You are strong, beautiful and full of wisdom. And you can certainly rock it out on stage. The stage totally freaks me out. (Long story short, I had a crippling speaking experience quite a few years ago and I haven’t been back on it since.) I definitely need to change that.
You are RIGHT, our stories are important to share. Without them, we wouldn’t be where we are today. We all have a CHOICE how we use our story. We can let it define us or we can use it to grow and inspire.
Obviously I have chosen to take the road of inspiration and growth. Sending lots of love your way. xoxo
Kimberly, I am so touched by this. Yes you ARE beautiful – inside and out – but that is such a different issue to body image and eating patterns and the story you describe…
Someone once told me that when someone projects criticism on you it is really their own issues they are reflecting. I don’t image that will take away the hurt but it might help all of us stop and think before we say anything potentially damaging to someone.
You have done a god thing putting this story out. Love cathy xx
Oh, Cathy! Yes, you are so right. Often projection is a sign that there is deep pain within. I completely get that. And I am no longer hurt by the comments. I think I just needed to stand up for myself and for other women who have been ostracized for being “pretty” and told that we don’t have a right to “feel ugly.”
Thank YOU for always supporting me and loving me. xoxo
Hey Kimberly,
We’ve never “met,” and I’m not to familiar with your work here, but I’ve seen you around the Web and I arrived here today by a shared Facebook link. I really appreciate what you’ve shared. And I have to say it take A LOT of courage and faith to put your heart and soul into what you do the way you have here. And for that, I think you are a total bada**. Thanks for the words of encouragement, thanks for the call to unity, and thanks for stepping up to the thing you were call to do – that is inspiring.
Hey Marlee. Thanks for stopping by and thank you for your kind words. I am overwhelmed with joy with how everyone responded and am excited to take that next leap toward helping women heal. xo
Kim – What can I say…other than…Awesome! I am so proud of you for standing up for your self and for what you believe in. I truly know the struggles you have endured throughout your life thus far so I know how strong and empowered your have become. Screw all those people who bash your work.
Just remember…You are an amazing women, sister and role model.
Just remember…Your work is so important for all women of all shapes and sizes.
Just remember…You continue to inspire and motivate me.
Love always ~ Jen
Thank you Jen. I have no words except I love you. But you know that already. ❤
Wow, I love this post because I know exactly what you mean. I too write about body image, and I had a serious ED for several years and destroyed my body. I recently had a reader tell me that of course I would love myself, I’m so “thin and pretty,” and I became a little indignant. The truth is, at my lowest weight, I was depressed and suicidal. I told her that she has to love herself now because even if she loses weight she will still find something wrong with herself if she can’t love herself unconditionally.
Sigh…
sui solitaire recently posted..why I don’t believe in “you are beautiful”
YES! Yes! Yes! Sui! You are absolutely right. WE all need to find it in our hearts to embrace what we think are our “shortcomings.” And we need to do it where we currently are, right NOW or you are right…even when you get to the destination you think will bring you freedom, happiness or contentment, you will find yourself in the exact same spot.
So nice to “meet” you. Looking forward to connecting some more soon! xo
Hi Kimberly, Saw this from Anne Samoilov posting on Facebook.
Just want to say I get it, all too well. I WAS a model–just small time, no big deal, and not for a very long time. I DID throw up–and sleep with the temperature really low so I would burn off fat trying to stay warm (bizarre). I’m too not into what I look like (or something) for a true eating disorder to take over completely, and I dove more into my intellect in my 20s with college and grad school and work and whatever. And I have a pretty good body image and all that and accept my “flaws,” more or less.
But as you say, I’m so much more than what I look like–and I don’t think I’m anything great, I mean really. Never have, though a few pics look pretty nice other than my lips being too far from my nose for classic beauty and a pug nose and large pores and sagging jaw line and eyes starting to look like Cher as I get older LMAO Even at 49…well let’s just say that I get comments in certain jeans–hey, I exercise, ya know? But I’m more than that.
To heck with the hate mail–people have their issues. Best wishes to you and great post!
Thank you Leah! I so appreciate you stopping by and speaking up. I did some pretty bizarre things too when I was younger. Didn’t we all, in some form or another?
I am so happy to hear you have accepted and embraced yourself. Bravo! I wish more women would take your lead. xoxo
Brilliant post Kimberly. I’m beyond happy that Ande Lyons connected us and I can now see why. I work as a makeup artist in advertising and work with both sides of the coin. Young women in front of the camera and so called normal women on the other side of the camera and I know for a fact that it doesn’t matter if you are a model or a non model esteem and body issues affect EVERY woman regardless of having a so called perfect body or not.
Alas it’s not always easy for a lot of women realize that being skinny is just as much a mind f*ck as being heavier. It breaks my heart to hear young girls in my business who are tall, thin and pretty talk to me about how women who are considered average tear them apart “what a stuck up bitch” “what problems could she possibly have, she’s thin”.
Most of these young women are bullied at school for they way they look too. It’s not easy for anyone to stick out at school. This is where this disgraceful behaviour starts. I don’t care if one is pretty, average, overweight, tall, short, poor or the myriad of others social standings that will single out a person. It takes personal responsibility to look beyond the cover and find out what is underneath. If a girl is curvier and hangs head or turns away when people approach her people think she’s insecure if a pretty girl or thin girl does the same, she’s a bitch.
There is a serious disconnect and it is up to us to begin breaking this cycle. Thank you for bringing this to the attention of women. It’s clear that this “hater” is cursed with the same insecurities that you too carry. I send love and rockets to both of you and thank you for sharing your experience of wanting to tell her what for and then coming to the realization that the answer lies in bringing everyone together. That’s amazing. THANK YOU.
BRILLIANT comment, darling Stephen, absolutely brilliant. LOVE YOU!
Thank you Stephen for being our only male presence and for adding such insight to an obviously crucial problem.
You are absolutely right about there being a serious disconnect. I truly believe women need to start to unite. Ban together for the greater cause regardless of what they look like or what size or shape they are.
At the end of the day, does it really matter?
What if we were kind to one another, if we looked past our physical attributes and got to know the real person behind the face and body? I believe things would shift dramatically but I am not naive. I do understand that our physical appearance is very real.
So how do we get around this? I think the simple answer is to celebrate all women for bringing a piece of beauty to the world. We all encompass beauty. It comes in layers. It’s time we peel the surface back and start creating our own standards of beauty.
Love to you.